In today, Out tomorrow

Matthews, VA

David and I have crowded Amelia off the sofa. David sleeps. I type. Amelia complains and swishes her tail. A long day of clouds and a bit of rain. David at the boat yard. Me at our temporary home.

Grace finally went in the water after almost 6 weeks out with engine realignment repairs. Lots of adjustments, some fabrication, some work arounds. Grace is aging and is from away (Finland) so parts are hard to find or impossible to find. But today she went back in the water. No leaking stuffing box. No leaking around the rudder. Beautious! But then David noticed a puddle, a small puddle but a puddle. Wipe it up.  Blop. Taste it. Salt water. Watch. Blop. Blop. A leak from the transducer! Aaarrrrghhh.

Is this a new leak? How would we know with all the other leaks that have now been eliminated (thank you Zimerman's Marine! and John and Bob). So Grace comes out of the water again tomorrow. David will deconstruct the transducer. It will be dried out, reconstructed with a new base (cha-ching), reinstalled. Back in the water.   

On a totally different topic, I had time to phone a couple of friends today including a college bud, Alana. Great to catch up with her and to check in with my neighbor, Mike. I also had time to, finally, to write a thank you note to dear friend and choreographer I'd just worked with last month, Betsy Dunphy. Her work, The Twenty, was powerful, a community dance project responding to paintings that were, themselves, a response to the murders of the children at Sandy Hook Elementary School some years back.

What I realized in writing Betsy was that I had felt safe enough to touch my rage, my despair, and my power as a performer. I made a 4 minute solo in the 60 minute piece. Betsy suggested the need for a transition between one section and another. She encouraged/directed/allowed my work. The safety that Betsy had created over the rehearsal period made it possible for me to  be immersed in the dance I made, to just BE the dance, and not concern myself with protecting myself or others from the rawness of my emotions and expressions of them. Whoa! What a gift. I've only felt this safety one other time in my dance career when I created it myself, more of a "nothing to loose" attitude. This was different in that there was a safe container for my feelings. It was this piece and the trust of my companion performers and creators that will resonate with me for awhile to come. How to create other safe spaces, or work with folks that DO create that space? How to continue to grow in trust,  confidence? How to not pretend? While rage is not my preferred state of being there was something profound in feeling it.

To be clear, my work in The Twenty was a tiny part of the entire piece/production. It is my personal growth through this work that I'm considering here, not the effect or contribution I may have had on the entirety of the work. My realizations, my safety, my sense of being a channel of energy. The creative team and performers were many and include 6 children, mothers and daughters, fathers and son, elders such as myself and young growing teens. A wonderful community of creators and makers.

Fear, rage, despair, unity, joy, grief......and keep taking the next step. A mantra for our times, too.