Lake Worth, FL still
Why is this so hard? From the beginning way back in October this journey has been fraught with difficulties. I was not at home for the provisioning; David left alone joined by Albert along the way; overnighting along Jersey shore there were engine difficulties; replace bunches of stuff at Zimmerman's and still not having it right; lay up in Norfolk with another tackle at the engine problem; then frozen in; then the bridges were frozen in; at Alligator River frozen in again; now in FL weather has prevented crossing to the Bahamas on two tries; engine is overheating on the way.
Hmmmm.
Now there have been wonderful aspects to this journey in spite of all the challenges. But just now I'm considering what it means, to me, to David that it is so challenging. And I'm noticing that these challenges are over 5 month timeline (and a bunch of money in case I was considering that) and 7 or 8 challenges over that time span is not a whole lot, I guess.
But what does this mean? What are the lessons, what is a major lesson, to be learned here? I appreciate that we, David especially, are willing to turn back and not just plow onward. I wonder if there is something wonderful husband needs to consider. But, really, what are my lessons here? What is this journey about for me?
Some considerations for me and my growth:
I'm following - this was not my idea but I'm, mostly, a happy participant in my beloved husband's dream. How wonderful to be in the Bahamas (if it ever happens) and how fine to get there according to DCW's dream of sailing there (as he did as a young man), and on owr own boat.
My role is helper - not initiator, not leader. Okay, I know that's not my favorite, long-term role.
My community is at a distance. Who my community is sometimes evades me and my closest buds are, generally, at a geographic distance anyway so...?
My community of dance and community engagement is at a distance. I miss dance and yoga.
I'm generally disengaging from my on-line political community, not really my community anyway but a way to pretend I'm effecting change.
I keep considering community.
I'm at a deficit of creating without function of that created. No creative play and engaging with other's creativity.
What is it about our engine overheating? We came all the way down the ICW, running it at the same level of stress but now it overheats. A sign from God? or the Devil? A friend says it is the backwash in a following sea. The exhaust can't get out.
I think I don't want to talk to anyone today. To much to consider. Perhaps I'll put the bimini back up and sit in the shade. I also don't want to "entertain" myself with reading or a trip to the farmers' market, though I may do both. Just seems that thinking, being, maybe conversing about these questions with David, is potent.
And the world continues to turn...something like that was the title of a soap opera on t.v. People continue to be born and to die. And great niece, Maggie, is probably performing as I write!
Life is good.
I have found it useful to tell myself when things get hard that the task or adventure I decided to undertake is an inherently difficult one so I should expect obstacles. That might apply. A boat is a complex mechanical being and sailing across water for long distances is inherently more dangerous than being on land; weather wind and currents are in constant motion. Another thing I try to remember when I am tired of being frustrated is that there are many many lives proceeding in parallel with mine and with which I am constantly intersecting or about to intersect or missing intersecting. When delays occur, some intersection is not ready or ripe to happen. That readiness only becomes visible when it is ripe and occurs; until then is invisible.
ReplyDeleteHence my mantra in the weeks leading up to meeting Lee was "one fine day..." I wore that T shirt all that time and once I had met him I put it away.