Busy and productive day. Got the bimini top up, sort of remembered how to lace it. It provided welcome shade and managed to stay together during some gusty wind. David and I worked together cooperatively through the entire process.
We came ashore so he could have a drug test for renewing his captain's license and I had a list of things I could do easily enough on shore with electricity, and get 2 pages printed for Freeport Players Executive search committee meeting last eve. We had maybe 14 applicants and chose four to interview. Being "away" I won't be involved in the interview process but am pleased to have been involved in the first steps of cover letter and resume reviews.
David was a bit late returning from his test. He brought food but had forgot that I had a meeting. So I felt rushed. And the crossing back to the boat was rough and wet. Ugh. I might be holding a grudge...that he forgot about my needs. It happens...his forgetting...and my grudging.
Today, Wednesday, 3/7, I'm not particularly light and chipper. I'm tired of waiting, of putting my needs (?), desires (?) second or third...to weather (! duh!), to David, to the boat. Have I been here before?!?!! I guess! "Roger. Roger," as they say on boat radio. I prefer to not try to remember the waiting times. I'm annoyed enough, though, that this morning when David and I were about to pass on a narrow part of the deck and he said "wait a minute" I said "No, I'm not waiting" and gave some reasonable reason (carrying my computer) but really meant "you wait."
"Here we sit waiting, waiting in a huddle." "Surely by Christmas the ships will come." Lines from The Lost Colony, the women are waiting...along with the men but it's the women who voice the frustration. No huddle here, but waiting.
Then there is the 'no urgency' but 'be ready' aspect of waiting for the weather window. So I haven't finished the mosquito screen for the forward hatch. The wind is blowing too hard for mosquitos to be a problem. But there will be mosquitos. But no urgency. Not like 12" of snow coming to Maine and do we have enough fuel and food for the several days of no driving.
I waited with my mother for her to die...always with her even if not physically present all the time during those last weeks. At the beginning of our knowledge of death sooner rather than later. We did things. We talked. I did things for her. I worked with love. It was exhausting, emotionally and physically.
I waited for Maggie to be born, for Shannon to give birth. Waiting in the hospital, in Shan's room for a while then she only wanted her mom and husband there. Cool. David and I waited down the hall and happened to be outside her door when Magz first cried out. Very wonderful. Then Sharyl came out and fell into our arms. Joyful sobs.
I've waited to go on stage many, many times. I've waited to leave...people, places, jobs. I've waited by the phone, sobbing and deciding that after crying as much as I was going to, then I could choose whether or not to make a call to a man I had left. Co-counseling skills before I knew the technique. I've waited for sun rise, waited to go.
Waiting waiting waiting waiting...how much of my life has been spent in waiting?
I'm particularly annoyed that I've not done any watercoloring, copying some beautiful pictures from the Manatee Lagoon, even though I've been carrying around all the equipment for the past two days. Okay. Not such a long time. But I'm not doing anything creative being creative, playing at creating....without functionality...just playing with materials or ideas. In private.
All frustration set aside for a moment.... I'm sure I'll get back to it.......
We brought the dinghy in to the Sailing Club beach this morning to do some cleaning and repairs. The floor that David had made years ago was coming apart. It was a little scary yesterday crossing in the white caps with pieces sliding around. So clever husband made some new side stiffeners using his math and woodworking skills and free electricity at the club. I cleaned the dinghy, getting to wade in the salt water. Then together we reconstructed the dinghy floor. Looks great and much improved structure. Already I feel safer whether or not I am.
I'm not having a particularly good day. It will pass...my mood. And it is warm. And there is no snow in our forecast.
Yes: Surely by Christmas, the ships will come. Only LC alumni can understand what that means! I think maybe women, typically NOT being the ones in power, the decision-makers, the ones with voices--we are often the ones doing the waiting. It's maddening. And even the men who are our dearly beloveds don't easily comprehend the position of privilege they hold. It's such a hard point of conflict between us... Hang in there. You're doing good work on so many fronts! <3
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