Lavers Pond, Freeport, ME

5/28/18 Freeport, ME

How easily I slip....The luxury. The waste... of running water, hot on demand, flush toilets, heat at the press of an index finger, a house of 5 rooms and a full basement. I'm shaking my head as I write. This opulence is as distressing as it is welcome. I despair (not really) at the efforts involved in balancing comfort/convenience and save the people and the planet.

And all those immigrant children that were separated from their parents at the border with Mexico and that our government has "lost!" My heart aches and I'm enraged at the cruelty. And my life goes on, apace. So I question again...how do I want to use my "free" time and energy? On which social challenges to focus - voting? ocean/waterway clean-up? Freeport theater? Freeport "arts council"? teaching dance? And what about my own creative endeavors and process? Writing? dancing? collaging? planting?  I'll remember thatI want to give my energy to  creating positive energy rather than fighting negative energy...the wolf I feed is the one that survives so let's make it the loving wolf rather than the greedy or hateful wolf. More physical activity for me and more meditative, praying activity on a regular basis.  I do wish it would get warm as those activities would be easier then. Oh dear, I want "easier".

Grace, the boat, is moored in the Kennebunk River on our friends' mooring. I picked David and Amelia up on Saturday and now we're all ensconced in Lynne's house. We'll stay here for a couple weeks and do some of the repairs, refreshing on her house that need to be done to make it livable for renters or visitors. David fixed the plumbing in the basement so that we now have running water at every sink and flush toilets. Carrying water from the basement wasn't such a task but water in each faucet is better. Still no refrigeration except for bags of ice in the freezer. But that's working for us for the next couple of days. Tomorrow, or maybe tonight, I'll clean the mold from the inside of the refrigerator. Staying at Lynne's will allow us to focus on the work here, make a little extra cash and allow Spencer to stay in our house another week or so...and a little continued rent. I will, though, plant my pots with the flowers I bought on Friday and mow the yard and get some vegetable plants for the leach field pots...the place we have sun in the yard. But the house will remain Spencer's for a while longer.

Neighbors, Chris and Pam, are selling their house on the corner, having bought a bigger place with workshop to accommodate their boat(s). Chris was whipped out yesterday so David is helping him do stuff to make the house even more presentable befor going on the market tomorrow. Sweet house. Ask is $360,000. So that makes ours worth????? And, no, not yet ready to sell though this is a seller's market. No yet. Even though it is COLD today. I've three layers of long-sleeved shirts on, ending with a sweatshirt. I went to our house to find a hat! for warmth, not style.

We went to the Freeport Memorial Day celebration today, saw the RSU5 school bands play in the parade, and a couple of fire trucks and some children in various clubs walk by. Sweet, small town parade and memorial service in the town square park. A favorite of mine. Greeted Maggie and Shannon and congratulated Magz on her lacrosse tournament successes. She and Landon both played in the high school band. Got/gave hugs from/to both. Breakfast with the family at a local, crowded restaurant. This afternoon, after a nap, I went to Landon and Michael's house for a French horn "concert" by Landon. A new instrument for him. He enjoyed my attention. I enjoy him and his music and his energy. He and his dad seem to be in a more loving place than when I left. Perhaps the intensity of mourning Kelly, mom and wife, has subsided a bit and the possibility of life moving on in a positive direction is more apparent to both of them. I'm grateful to Divinity and to Kelly's spirit.

I'm so grateful, too, for the memorial celebration for Walter Stump. I got to greet his adult children - children do continue to grow into adults if we and they are lucky - saw some colleagues from my USM era (now 30+ years ago) most of whom I'd not seen in about that long. Ed Romanoff, FB friend, past USM student and fellow performer in summer musicals. What a delight to see him, Jeff Toorish and Bill Duffy again. Greeted two teacher colleagues who were never comfortable colleagues. In spite of the years I still think of them as greedy, dishonest, privileged white men who took advantage of every situation they could. I was totally surprised to note that one of those men was shorter than I am. I asked David about this surprising, to me, stature change. David said that man was never very tall. Hmmm. He was so intimidating to me, such a big personality, that I only remember being over-shadowed by him. Who knew? Clear to me that I have the confidence advantage now. I'm comfortable in my skin and with my life. No more fear of them or need to prove myself. Phew.

Had I been compelled to speak in the open mic section of remembering Walter I would have said: "Walter, Always a pleasure, sometimes a challenge. We did a bit of growing up together and made some important changes. Thank you for all the opportunities you opened before me. I'm deeply grateful and love you forever." It was sweet to see, through the stories his oldest son told and the video he put together, the family man and adventurer aspect of Walter. I only knew him as college professor, director, man who hired me and appreciated my ideas and energy...not as a dad, a husband, a man with life beyond the college theater department.  Oldest son, Greg, looks like his dad; younger son, Geoff, is softer and less the performer; the youngest, Kim, is living in the family home in Gorham. I knew/know her the least. I was pleased to be there and glad I went alone, not having to mediate my attention to David with attention to others, or stand in his shadow. Just so I remember...I saw those mentioned plus Flash and Tina, Ron Cole who was chair of music department when I was at USM, Vicki pianist now teaching in RSU4, Lucy Rioux retiring from public school this year, Brenda who was secretary in theater dept, Glen Cummings, President who I've known in several different lives. It gives me joy to re-meet and remember these people.

My life is rich.